When Sexy Hottie Is Having Brain

Review of Ricky Seabra's Empire, Love to Love You, Baby from the Mobile Lab for Theatre and Communication written in "Gonzo journalism style" in which critics react to a piece and don't reveal their identity.
(I wish a few of them had manifested their attraction to me in Ljubljana... I might have gotten laid...)

Review: When Sexy Hottie is Having Brain

Aw, aw, could you imagine what a cutie I saw yesterday in the theatre in Ljubljana!...On a stage, by the way, not in the audience. That was the moment when I remembered my wonderings about turning to boy-lover profession, still, I stayed to chicks (it’s just easier somehow). Righty then, the thing was that he had a solo performance called Empire. I love to love you, baby (well, you see, what I’m tryin’ to say, uh?). It was about The States and the old stuff with them: patriotic madness and military obsessions. But haba- haba, mummy llliked the guy, Ricky Seabra!!! What a body, what skin, although, no big wonder, coz he was from Brazil and he had just returned from the desert sands. Having had a pretty rough tour through different countries, something like European, can’t remember, but it isn’t so important. What a sense of humour, my looord! I pissed my pants for about five times, and, no doubt, I wasn’t the only one. And at the same time he managed to kick butt of some serious problems and did it in different ways, using loads of videos - some live captured on the stage, some, taken from the net, projected on screen; then suddenly turning into transvestite or just ugly babe. He called himself Rickyoncé, you know, from where he pulled the strings, don’t ya? With that he crowned himself as the Empress of The States. Gosh, in some moments I thought that he’s gone with the birds – toot, toot!,- you know, the artist in that modern theatre bullshit sometimes has their little surprises. No, no, everything was O.K., he’s just a hell of a good actor. Though he has a designers degree.

The most terrifying moment was when he showed a compilation from disaster and shitty sci-fi blockbusters like Independence Day (is Will Smith still alive, by the way?) and The Day After. To see, how such a ‘great’ nation blows up their skyscrapers, Black House (haaah) and things like that, you really start to wonder what the hell is happening in their fatty heads. You had some shit in sunny September morning, didn’t you get the point? Why don’t you stop playing with your country like a mad farmer with his chainsaw? Other wicked episode was when he demonstrated porn photo collection of USA army soldiers and their Little Soldiers as well. Well, apparently those are the thingies they do to get some extra earnings while they're in service.

Yeah, Rickyoncé really knew exactly what he wanted to say with his work, which, I suppose, require much power from him. Remarkable guy, that’s for sure. Interesting, what he will do next, unless some guys with sunglasses and little earphones won’t visit him in late hours of the night to ask some simple questions by cup of tea…

Stanley H. Orny